I'm just the messenger.

I like this description of me: like an undercover nomadic gypsy with the power to move the masses. perfect. Yeah, thank you, miss annie J.

Hear my prayer, O Lord

Listen to my cry for help;

Be not deaf to my weeping.

For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were


At the sound of breaking news, in the silence of an anguished heart, even in the delight of beauty or the power of hope, there is a sense of alienation that wells up within us. But alienation only reminds us that we are aliens, and homesickness only tells us that we are not yet home, though we certainly live with glimpses. In this wonderful and terrible land, all is not as it will be; another kingdom is the end in sight. Until then, we relish the wonder of this place and look for signs of the kingdom among us; we long for promises in the distance and we wait estranged by hope. We move toward Christ as pilgrims and he moves toward us as King.

The glimpse will just have to be enough for now.

I groan with all of creation this morning. I cannot allow myself to be tethered to something that is still so foreign to me. It’s funny how this life just STAYS foreign. Even in my familiarity, I am wary of it. We will not reconcile, it and I. We will maintain peace, but only just for now. Someday I will fight it. I will fight. In fact, I just might fight today. Alienation is what I’m going for. I want to be altogether separate.

For so long I’ve felt that I was always gonna lose the battles. That winning wasn’t for me. I lost with John and I think that has sorta scarred me on the battlefield. Aside from realizing, once I left home, that I wasn’t any kind of determined anyway. I’m actually a pretty mellow personality. Ok, that’s a lie. But in a way I am… I want to listen more than I want to talk, I want to watch more than I want to act (even though I do want to act), and even when I sing I want someone else to deliver the motivational speech. I can be front and center, but I’ll do backstage 90% of the time. It’s the getting there, not the destination. Well, that’s usually, unless we’re talking about home, and right now, that’s all I can think about. Now I only see through a glass, darkly. Darkly.Everything I love is tinted with dark.

Call me edgy, but I’d rather say that the world around me is.

Don’t hurt me. I’m just the messenger.