Steeling myself against the water of weakness

Setting my teeth, all solid-like
To steel myself against the water of weakness
As I remember that someone neither of us know was more important to you.

Don’t talk to me about heroics, cause we both I’m no stoic and I can’t conceive how to let you go

to let you be; to let you fight; to think you just might without me...
You just might make it without me

You scare me half to death with your neverending vigor;
few things make me sicker than knowing that you’ll be just fine.
And no longer mine.

I'm just the messenger.

I like this description of me: like an undercover nomadic gypsy with the power to move the masses. perfect. Yeah, thank you, miss annie J.

Hear my prayer, O Lord

Listen to my cry for help;

Be not deaf to my weeping.

For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were


At the sound of breaking news, in the silence of an anguished heart, even in the delight of beauty or the power of hope, there is a sense of alienation that wells up within us. But alienation only reminds us that we are aliens, and homesickness only tells us that we are not yet home, though we certainly live with glimpses. In this wonderful and terrible land, all is not as it will be; another kingdom is the end in sight. Until then, we relish the wonder of this place and look for signs of the kingdom among us; we long for promises in the distance and we wait estranged by hope. We move toward Christ as pilgrims and he moves toward us as King.

The glimpse will just have to be enough for now.

I groan with all of creation this morning. I cannot allow myself to be tethered to something that is still so foreign to me. It’s funny how this life just STAYS foreign. Even in my familiarity, I am wary of it. We will not reconcile, it and I. We will maintain peace, but only just for now. Someday I will fight it. I will fight. In fact, I just might fight today. Alienation is what I’m going for. I want to be altogether separate.

For so long I’ve felt that I was always gonna lose the battles. That winning wasn’t for me. I lost with John and I think that has sorta scarred me on the battlefield. Aside from realizing, once I left home, that I wasn’t any kind of determined anyway. I’m actually a pretty mellow personality. Ok, that’s a lie. But in a way I am… I want to listen more than I want to talk, I want to watch more than I want to act (even though I do want to act), and even when I sing I want someone else to deliver the motivational speech. I can be front and center, but I’ll do backstage 90% of the time. It’s the getting there, not the destination. Well, that’s usually, unless we’re talking about home, and right now, that’s all I can think about. Now I only see through a glass, darkly. Darkly.Everything I love is tinted with dark.

Call me edgy, but I’d rather say that the world around me is.

Don’t hurt me. I’m just the messenger.

Lifestyes and Expiritments

Styes in my eyes
Friend, it’s no surprise
Stagnating like a forgotten wading pool
Clear and blue to grimy and green
Taken on a dull sort of a sheen
Seems

We’re not getting any younger today
Or any day after that
Or any day after that

We waded once
I splashed you with the wet of tears
Wading, mating, saying
Anything and everything

Lifestyes and expiritments
Trying on faded costumes of a different age
You be the joker and I’ll play the sage
Playing dead is all we’re good at these days
And eff it all, we’re just Swirling twirling phantoms
Like the tooth fairy and santa
Might stay young if we just stay
If we just stay
If we just stay

Stay the same

Play lame
Play fame
Playin’ fame
Playin’ sane...